b r e a t h e
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: Lucifer is dead. Dean is gone. And Sam? Sam's still here, in a church in the middle of nowhere, falling apart at the seams. Tag to 13x23, Let the Good Times Roll.


**A/N: WARNING for references to suicide attempts.**

* * *

When he finally manages to work through the fog in his brain, he pulls out his phone and shakily dials her number. She answers after a couple of rings, all laughter and brightness and smiles. "Hello Samuel. I'm a wee bit occupied right now, so if you could keep it brief, that would be lovely."

More laughter. It grates.

"Rowena," Sam rasps out, unable to force any more words past the lump in his throat.

"Sam?" she asks, more concerned this time. "What's wrong?"

"Rowena," he repeats, then swallows, hard. "He's gone."

"Lucifer?" Rowena whispers, somehow hopeful and fearful at the same time.

Sam doesn't answer. He's not really sure who he means. Lucifer's gone, Dean's gone, Michael's gone, everyone's gone, gone, _gone_.

"I'll be there," Rowena says, then disconnects. Sam registers absently that he never told her where they are. Not that it matters. He's sure that she'll find them.

His legs begin to shake and he slides to the floor. Lucifer's lying not two feet away from him, a bloody wound glaring at him from the white of his t-shirt. Dean did that.

There's still spots in Sam's vision from watching Lucifer scream and burn and die. He doesn't care. He's not sure if he would care if his eyes had burned out of his skull, because knowing that Lucifer is truly dead would be worth any injury. After everything Sam had gone through by his hand, he'd had to make sure.

Distantly, and then not so distant, he registers a voice calling his name.

"Sam. _Sam_." Jack steps into his line of vision, eyes wide and worried and- _shit_. He's hunched over, his arms wrapped around his middle, but that still doesn't conceal the bright red stain on his t-shirt.

"Jack," Sam breathes, struggling to his feet. "You- You're hurt." He reaches out, but hesitates, reluctant to touch him. He feels a surge of guilt, knows that he should have had the same courage Jack had; even if Jack hadn't died, it's still Sam's fault he'd gotten hurt in the first place. Sam had been the one to put the knife in his hand, Sam had opened that door for him. It's his fault.

"I'm fine," Jack says, but he winces unconvincingly as he attempts to straighten. Sam finally comes to his senses and wraps an arm round Jack's shoulders to steady him. "Lucifer didn't take all my grace. It'll heal." He doesn't sound sure, but Sam hopes he's right. Not like Lucifer gave them a chance to grab a First Aid kit before he beamed them here.

He glances at the body behind them. Part of him wants to stay, to make sure that Lucifer doesn't disappear, alive after all. But the other half, the louder half, looks to Jack. However much he may have hated Lucifer at the end, he was still Jack's father, and that meant something. He manages a half smile and turns them away.

"Come on," he says. "Let's wait outside."

* * *

They sit out on the steps of the church, watching the sun set. It's quiet and peaceful, like an archangel didn't just explode into flame, like another hasn't just been let loose on the world.

They don't talk.

Sam doesn't know how much time passed before they hear the rumble of a car in the distance. Sam gets to his feet as it parks, Jack following suit despite Sam waving at him to stay seated.

"What's up bitches?" Charlie says, flashing them a smile as she jumps out the car.

Sam smiles and hugs her. "Have you got a First Aid kit?" he asks, gesturing to Jack. Charlie's smile drops as she takes in the sight, then she nods and beckons Jack to follow her, leaving Sam alone with Rowena.

They stand in silence for a moment, questions hanging heavy in the air between them.

"Is he..." Rowena begins, voice trailing off at the end.

Sam nods. "You don't have to-"

"No," she says firmly, meeting his eyes. "Let's get a look at him."

* * *

The body is still there when they go back inside, and Sam breathes a sigh of relief. This is real, after all then. He stops a few feet away, eyes tracking the lines of Lucifer's wings. They're strangely beautiful _(they were even more so in the Cage, Sam remembers how he had both feared and loved them as his eyes began to burn out of their sockets)_ but Sam makes himself tear his eyes away, instead watching Rowena as she slowly approaches. She extends her hands, magic crackling between her fingers.

"Can you tell?" Sam calls out, hating the way his voice won't seem to stop shaking.

"Oh yes," Rowena says softly, her voice echoing through the church. "Dead as a doornail, this one."

Sam breathes out shakily, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He smiles, then laughs quietly until he's gasping, which, to be fair, doesn't take long. He thinks Lucifer might have broken a few ribs, but that doesn't matter. None of any of it matters, as long as Lucifer is dead, as long as he could never hurt anyone ever again.

Perhaps he shouldn't feel so happy because Dean is _gone_ and Sam needs to focus on finding him; he should care that his brother is in the wind and possessed by an archangel because Sam of all people knows what that feels like, and he _does_ , but he _can't_ , not right now. Because Lucifer is _dead_ , and that's what matters now. That's what he has to focus on because as soon as he starts thinking about anything else he's going to fall apart.

Soon, he's going to have to leave this church. They'll have to burn Nick's body, he'll have to go back to the Bunker and tell Mom and Cas what Dean did _the fucking idiot_ , he'll have to start researching and finding ways to save Dean from Michael-

But. One thing at a time. For now, he's just going to stay here, watching the sunlight slowly fade, with only a red-headed witch and a dead archangel for company. For now, he is safe.

* * *

 **A/N: So I really wanted to post this before S14 on Thursday. I hope I did an okay job at it. Thank you guys so much for reading and please leave a review if you have a moment!**


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